All that anxiety for nothing

Need a good laugh? Try this. Thanks Julie :).

I went and talked to my boss today. I set up an appointment and met with him this afternoon.

Once he found out that I wasn't going to quit, he was incredibly nice. He gave me permission to take a leave of absence for as long as I like.

They're going to hire a temp until I'm ready to come back to work. He said that he hoped my breakdown wasn't due to anything he had done. I assured him that it wasn't him.

They gave me my paycheck, wished me well, and that was it.

*Sarah*

A look back

I have been struggling with the idea that my life just goes around in circles. And that nothing really changes. Sometimes the circles are a bit larger, but they always return to the same point.

And now I've been realizing that although my life may be going in circles, I don't come back to the exact same point. They're more like spirals or something.

For once, I'm not going to let this take control of my life. I did something. Nothing major, but it was something at least. I'm trying to get some help. I'm talking to people about it.

For the first time, I'm trying to stop the downward spiral that I fall into when times like this surface. I'm going to do something before I end up destroying myself. Before I find myself having been shut inside the apartment for weeks...not having paid bills for months...having walked out on my job without notice...having royally fucked things up. I'm not at the point of no return yet. I don't have to cut my losses and start over.

And I don't feel despair. I've been through this before. This isn't the end. These are just a few faltering steps along the way. To where I don't know, but this isn't the end, and I really realize that now. I'm okay. I always am. And I have hope for the future.

*Sarah*