She's come undone (pt. 2)

So, I kind of lost it for awhile yesterday. I was in my car driving back up to the cities and a MAJOR panic attack hit me. I was hyperventilating and my arms and legs started to tingle.

I pulled off the highway and parked in some lot. I cried in my car for awhile. I smoked a few cigarettes and managed to calm myself down enough to make it the rest of the way home.

I don't really know what was wrong. I wasn't feeling great the night before, and I really didn't want to leave my parent's house, but I did anyway. I was already verging on the anxiety thing when I left. I thought the drive back would calm me down...give me some time to think. It didn't.

But things got better. I called David and he came over and took me away. We went to Target and I bought a new mouse for my computer. He helped me carry in my new bookcase (an "I'm worried about you" present from my mother) and put it together. So, I got to use my new drill. I cleaned my bedroom and finally put away the growing pile of crap in the livingroom.

Nate and I watched some television last night, and then some people came over. I got to bed too late (as usual).

I did end up going to Boy #1's house last night. I need to get a better "code name" for him. (like he does - and also it's his birthday, so go say happy b-day to him).

But yes, I went over, we watched Spiderman. It was an alright time. Black lace & leopard print babydoll, fishnet stockings, black lace thong... You get the idea. (btw - I think I've probably got an exceptional lingerie collection for a 23 yr. old - an entire dresser full) We did it twice, took a little nap, and then I went down on him for about an hour before I left...

And now I think I'm going to take a little break from him. He'll still be there if I want him a month from now, but I'm not so sure that I do anymore. I've got a lot of things to sort out in my head, and I really feel like I need to get my life together. I'm going to take a month break and see how I feel about things then.

The anxiety attack was pretty bad. And it really made me wonder what is so wrong right now. Because, really, nothing is that wrong. I'm getting by. Things aren't perfect, but they certainly aren't terrible or anything. I've already come through the worst of things lately. Or so I thought.

*Sarah*