Anything difficult isn't worth doing

I'm on my fourth day of non-smoking and about ready to give up. I'm beginning the (losing) battle in my head trying to rationalize running out immediately and buying a pack.

In fact, my grandparents were down this morning and brought a box of old glass items for my sister and I. I took a candy dish and two small glass ashtrays. That was when it broke in my mind: this morning...

I've got this horribly panicked feeling in my chest right now. And the psycho-bitchiness is beginning to come out too. Can I really do this?

I don't think I can quit smoking AND eat better AND start exercising again all at once.

For now, my laziness will prevail. I will not put out the energy required to get warm clothes on, start up my car, drive to a gas station, buy cigarettes, find someplace outdoors to smoke before coming home, return to my house, and deal with my parents asking why I suddenly smell like smoke.

It's easier to just suffer for now.

*Sarah*