On this foolish April day...

I think I have transferred the compulsion of cigarette smoking into shoe shopping. I have gone almost every day this week during my lunch break. After returns and new purchases I've now got 4 new pairs. I want more! They are lined up outside their boxes across my living room floor. I have been alternately putting them on and walking around the apartment.

Today kind of felt like the dam broke. I had gone all week without cigarettes, drinking, "recreating" or eating out. Today I wanted nothing more than to chain smoke a pack of cigarettes, lay on the couch, order in food and get drunk. Thus far I have made it through but am still feeling exceptionally agitated and rather "on-the-brink". I don't think I would have made it this long had it not been for serious time hanging out on the phone with Christy and Anne.

I'm having some major doubts about my work situation. I've spent nine hours a day shopping online, writing emails back and forth to Christy and David, and making lists of things I want to buy. I am BORED and I don't see it getting much better. I felt like the interviews were slightly misleading and I'm not even remotely interested in the work I'm doing. I have this nasty "must lie in the bed I made" feeling but something tells me that there is no way I'm going to be able to stay at this job for an extended period of time AND be sane. I don't know. I'll have to do some more thinking about it...

*Sarah*