Bittersweet, but mostly sweet

I found an apartment today. I put down my deposit and will be moving in partway through the month. It's a nice one-bedroom in Uptown near the lakes. I've got a balcony, dishwasher and walk-in closet. The building has indoor and outdoor pools, jacuzzi, tennis courts, fitness centers and other fun stuff as well. It's only 11 miles away from my new place of employment as well.

I feel like things are coming together. I see now that not moving into that other place back in November was a really good move. I wasn't even sure why then, but I am now.

The bitter in this equation is Ruthie. She burst into tears when I told her I was looking this morning. She came along with me when I was looking at places today but she kept crying and silent the rest of the time. I felt awful. I still do, but I have to do what's right for me. After years of making decisions hinged on others, I have finally learned that I need to do what's best for me. And I really think this is going to be good. I've wanted my own place for so long. I wanted to be back in the city and being by the lakes is fantastic. I'll be close to David and Rusty and closer to the rest of my friends as well.

Tomorrow is my first day of work. I'm excited and incredibly nervous at the same time. I just hope it's what I think it is. I hope I get along with everyone. I'll be the only female employee in the company. We'll see what kind of dynamic that is. I honestly can't even let myself think about it too much right now.

Things are coming together so well right now. It makes me nervous. Things have been off in at least one major part of my life for so long that I don't know how to accept something good without deep and honest fear that it will all fall apart or turn bad. But I'm trying to be positive and just enjoy it right now.

*Sarah*