I guess this is growing up
The symbol of this change? I no longer carry my passport with me at all times. I guess I always kind of looked at it as a contingency plan. If things became unbearable, I liked having the option of just hopping on a plane and running away.
I didn't run away but it was a security blanket. And I did want to run away. Often.
If my current situation were transposed upon my 5-year-ago self, I think I would have handled all of this differently. I would have partied and moped and slept in and shopped. I would have dug a deeper hole. And I would have done all of it while fantasizing of pooling the last of my money, buying a plane ticket and fleeing.
I was up by 7:30 every day last week. I met with recruiters. I sent out dozens of resumes. I did about 6 hours of job skills testing. I called people. I emailed people. I networked. I filed for unemployment. I shopped for interview clothing (as the last time I was unemployed was 30 pounds ago).
But the suprising part to me was that I didn't want to run away. I didn't want to crawl into a hole, stop paying bills, smoke my brains into a numb state, and avoid it all.
I guess maybe this is growing up.
I need to stop the anxiety though. It's my anxiety that has partially been responsible for the amazing amount of drive I've had this last week, but it's not helping me in other ways. I'm worrying way too much about things I can't control. I've never dealt with ambiguity very well.
To Do List for the Week1. Find amazing job that will fulfill me in hundreds of ways and pay me enough money to live the high life
2. Buy tax productivity software and file taxes
3. Figure out on this current budget how long I can continue to live in this place (without a job) and still pay bills. (a.k.a. - figure out how long until I have to move back in with the parents)
4. Watch Angel Season 3 on DVD
Exciting, huh?
*Sarah*
